Quotes

  • "Hello, boys." (Crowley's iconic phrase)
  • "So the Hardy boys finally tracked me down. Took you long enough."[1]
  • "Two months under a rock, like a bloody salamander! Every demon on hell and earth's got his eyes out for me! And yet... here I am... last place I should be... in the road, talking to Sam and Dean Winchester, under a friggin' spotlight!"[2]
  • "Please. I've sold sin to saints for centuries. You think I can't close one little demon?"[2]
  • "That's what you get, working with a demon."[2]
  • "Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are... wait for it... Lovers In League Against Satan. Hello, darling."[2]
  • "Let's just say when they're getting their Grammys, they shouldn't all be thanking God."[2]
  • "Look, you're right to be suspicious, but I'm your ally. The enemy of my enemy and all that. I need the Devil back in his stock. In fact, my delicate arse depends on it."[2]
  • "Paragraph 18, subsection B, which is on your naughty bits."[3]
  • "I thought, when I got the corner office, it was all going be rainbows and two-headed puppies. But if I'm honest, it's been Hell."[3]
  • "Evil, lying prats, the whole lot of 'em. And stupid! Try to show them a new way, a better way, and what do you get? Bugger all! You know, there are days that I think Lucifer's whole spike anything with black eyes plan wasn't half bad."[3]
  • "You don't know torture, you little insect!"[4]
  • "Really, Cass, this is getting ridiculous. How many times am I gonna have to clean up your messes?"[5]
  • "The big lie, the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cass, the righteous Cass. As long as they get to believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I've got news for you, kitten: a whore is a whore is a whore."[6]
  • "I'm talking about happy endings for all of us, with all possible entendres intended."
  • "Submit or die? What are you, French? How about resist!"
  • "Don't worry about them? What, like Lucifer didn't worry? Or Michael? Or Lilith, or Alastair, or Azazel didn't worry? Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate those denim wrapped nightmares?!"[6]
  • "It's always your friends, isn't it, in the end? We try to change, we try to improve ourselves. It's always our friends who have to claw into our sides and hold us back. But you know what I see here? The new God and the new Devil working together."[6]
  • "You know what the difference is between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?"[6]
  • "Never underestimate the King of Hell, darling. I know a lot of swell tricks."
  • "There's only one rule – make a deal, keep it."[7]
  • "This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called integrity."[7]
  • "You got what you wanted: Dick's dead, save the world. So I want one little Prophet. Sorry, Moose. Wish I could help. You've certainly got a lot on your plate right now. Looks like you are well and truly on your own."[8]
  • "Well, if you're going to make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines."
  • "I know we're not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice: run. Run far and run fast. 'Cause the Winchesters... well, they have a habit of using people and watching them die bloody."
  • "It's all very West Side Story, but let's be logical. You look like Hell, and I should know. You're not up for this."
  • "What on earth could you possibly need now, Viggo? I've given you every torture instrument known to man - short of a Neil Diamond album."[9]
  • "Just to be clear: you can't find a hole in the ground, your co-workers have met an untimely demise... and you've lost my favorite chew toy? Brilliant. What's that old expression? If you want something done right... blah, blah, blah."
  • "Easy, love. If you remember our time in Mesopotamia the way I do, you remember: I'm a lover, not a fighter."[10]
  • "As you may recall: patience isn't one of my virtues... well, I don't have any virtues... but if I did I'm sure patience wouldn't be one of them."
  • "What you people never seem to understand is that you are nothing! Fleeting blips of light. I am forever!"
  • "I was born to direct."[11]
  • "You know why I always defeat you? It's your humanity. It's a built-in handicap. You always put emotion ahead of good, old-fashioned common sense."
  • "Girls! You're my Marnie, Moose. And Hannah. She just- she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all? You? Me? We deserve to be loved! I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved."[12]
  • "Would it be possible, Moose... I'd like... to ask a-a favor, Sam. Earlier, when you were confessing back there... what did you say? I only ask because, given my history... it raises the question... where do I start... to even look... for forgiveness?"[12]
  • "Torture? Brilliant. Can't wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier, really putting the S-A-M into S&M. Honestly, boys. What are you gonna do to me that I don't do to myself just for kicks every Friday night?"[13]
  • "I torture all my friends. It's how I show love."[13]
  • "What's the matter, darling? Cowardly lion got your tongue?"
  • "You ganky, putrescent skanger! It may look like bean counting to you, may lack a certain adolescent flare, but my way works! You think you can control Hell with chaos alone? Without the support of those who are still loyal to me?!"[14]
  • "Your way will back fire. You will burn!"
  • "It's a campaign. Hearts and minds, that's what's important. See, the demons have a choice: take orders from the world's angriest ginger, and that's saying something, or join my team where everyone gets a say, a virgin and all the entrails they can eat. So think on this, lads. Spread the word: vote Crowley!"[15]
  • "Yes, yes, you'll kill me. I love you too!"
  • "You're good... but I'm Crowley."[16]
  • "I mean, I've been inside your brother... We are practically family." 
  • "You try to play me? I play the tune! Everyone else dances to it!"
  • "So difficult. Brilliant, ahead of your time, despised for it. Trust me, I know."
  • "You're lying to Sam like he's your wife. Which kind of makes me your mistress."[17]
  • "So here's the thing, boys and girls: we have a crisis. Admittedly a crisis of my own making. In my extended absence, where I handled sensitive matters of state, Abaddon made inroads into my following, creating chaos. So I look to you, my trusted advisors, to restore confidence, to soothe those jangled nerves. Spread the word: the King is back, and the kingdom is once again on sound footing. So, all those with me, say "yo!"[18]
  • "You betrayed me?! No one in the history of torture has been tortured with torture like the torture you'll be tortured with!"[18]
  • "To be clear, I'll not be joining you ever! Except at your death scene, where I shall burst into song."[18]
  • "My soul did a stint in Hell, where it became demonized. Then I had to possess another person so I could traffic with the living."[18]
  • "I mean I beat you, starved you, came home drunk, beat you some more, woke up hung over and... well, yeah, beat you. In all fairness, I didn't really have any role models. My mother was a witch!"[18]
  • "You're negotiating with me? That's my boy!"[18]
  • "I'll cheer the day when the last bit of humanity leaves me... Feelings!"
  • "You'll be fine. Just avoid cheap whiskey and cheap hookers... Look at me, getting all fatherly."[18]
  • "So this is what you and Moose do, eh? Crisscross the country searching for evil, order your nitrates, partake of the local attraction? And you never get tired of the rat race? Never get the urge to just bugger off and howl at the moon? Never ask yourself, is this it? Is this all there is? 
  • "Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me as I speak. Make a deal, bring you back. It's exactly what I was talking about, isn't it? It's all become so... expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you take on the Mark of Cain, I didn't know this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That's important. It's fundamental. But... there is one story about Cain that I might have... forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than becoming the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So he took his own life with the blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the Mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me... no, it wasn't truly until you left that cheese burger uneaten... that I began to let myself believe. Maybe miracles do come true. Listen to me, Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now – – it's not death. It's life – – a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. And let's go take a howl at that moon."[19]
  • "My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels - 'The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel'. Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens."[20]
  • "Kids. Am I right? My day we respected our elders. Of course, anyone over thirty back then was ancient. Now forty-year olds are still living with mommy, lying on OKCupid and taking pictures of their-"
  • "Face it, darling, you're an addict. Death is your drug. And you're going to spend the rest of your life chasing that dragon."[21]
  • "You're guilty of... something... which I won't tolerate... whatever it was."
  • "Why can't you people just sit on clouds and play harps like you're supposed to?"[22]
  • "Gerald... a bordello? You opened a whorehouse in my name? [...] I am evil, now that's just tacky."[23]
  • "Wipe that ridiculous smile off your face. You want a medal? A 'thank you' for cleaning up the mess YOU MADE?"
  • "She was a horrible mother. Did I tell you the time that she almost traded me for three pigs? Three! I was an attractive child, I could juggle. I was worth five pigs at least. [...] Don't even get me started on the name, Fergus. Sounds like a venereal disease, and not the fun kind."[24]
  • "Mummy! Bored, suicidal, both?"
  • "I can. I'm bloody Crowley! I'm the King of Hell! I do what I want, when I want, and I don't take orders from you."[25]
  • "You're right. I am a monster and I've done bad. I've done things you can't even imagine. Horrible, evil, messy things. And I've loved every damn minute! So, thank you, Sam. For reminding me who I really am."[26]
  • "The Quince cost me a major IOU with a Palestinian warlock. The gold from the calf - well, let's just say I'll be hanged under certain sexual-deviancy laws if I ever show my face in Jordan again."[27]
  • "The Darkness? Please. Myth. It's a bedtime story. Something that daddy demons threaten toddler demons with to get them to eat their vegetables. Even if it was true, what's the concern? Darkness, King of Hell -- natural allies."[28]
  • "Oh, Dean. Adorable little Dean. I want that child, and I get what I want. You and Sam don't understand, I'm not your bloody sidekick! We've had some good times, so I'm going to give you one chance, just one, to walk out that door, or I'm going to take you apart, atom by atom. Do you understand?"[29]
  • "I'm glad you had a little taste of freedom. What I said was... I'm always 10 steps ahead. I said you cross me, I crush you. You hit me, I hit you back twice as hard. You make me your dog, I'll make you my slave. That chain around your neck? Was nothing. A stylish accessory. This vessel... That's your true prison. It's been warded with runes and spellwork from the Cage carved into every molecule. In there? I own you. I'm just getting started. So... I'm gonna put you back in your hole, and then I'm gonna go find your spawn, and then I'm gonna rip him apart while you watch. And then? I'm still just getting started."[30]
  • "Bye, boys."[31] (Crowley's last words)

References

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