Shut Up, Dr. Phil/Transcript

Season Seven, Episode Five: "Shut Up, Dr. Phil"

Written by: Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming.

Air date: October 21, 2011

INT. HAIR SALON – DAY

A WOMAN with foils in her hair is following a STYLIST through electric sliding doors to the back of a hair salon while talking on a cell phone.

WOMAN (on phone):

Karen, don't second-guess yourself. Yes, your house is beautiful, but didn't you tell me a million times that it's Rick's dream house? Selling it is how you punish his ass, Karen, and after what you've been through, don't you deserve that?

The STYLIST places a plastic cap over the WOMAN’s foils.

WOMAN (on phone):

You do, honey. I'll have the papers ready tomorrow.

Yay! I'm proud of you.

Bye.

WOMAN (to STYLIST):

I'm not good. I'm very good.

The STYLIST chuckles and hands her a magazine.

STYLIST:

There you are.

WOMAN (to STYLIST):

Thank you.

STYLIST:

All right.

The STYLIST lowers a beehive hairdryer over the WOMAN’s head and turns it on.

STYLIST:

10 minutes. Holler if you need anything.

The WOMAN flips through the magazine for a few moments, then starts to look uncomfortable and tugs at her clothing. She tries to lift the hairdryer off her head.

WOMAN:

Chris!

The WOMAN tries to slide out from under the hairdryer, but is somehow pulled back up. She tries to lift the hairdryer again, but it is now too hot to comfortably hold. She jerks her hands away and shakes them.

WOMAN:

Ow. Chri-- Ow.

The WOMAN continues to try to get away. Smoke starts to come out of the hairdryer.

WOMAN:

Ow. Chris, get back here!

Light flashes from the hairdryer.

WOMAN:

[screaming] Chr-i-i-i-is! Chris!

The WOMAN continues to scream and struggle as light and smoke continue to come from the hairdryer. She is then lifted up from her seat further into the hairdryer and goes still. The hairdryer beeps and turns off. CHRIS walks back through the sliding doors.

STYLIST:

Oh, my God. Somebody, help!

CHRIS lifts the hairdryer from the WOMAN’s head and screams at what he sees.

CHRIS:

Aaaagh!

SUPERNATURAL (Title Card)

ACT ONE

INT. MOTEL ROOM – DAY

DEAN is asleep fully dressed on a bed with a beer bottle next to him on the bedside table. He is having a nightmare.

FLASHBACKS:

CASTIEL disappearing into the reservoir in 7.01 Meet The New Boss

SAM shooting at his hallucination of LUCIFER in the warehouse in 7.02 Hello, Cruel World:

SAM:

Leave me alone! I said shut up! Just stop! Stop!

DEAN talking to and then killing AMY in 7.03 The Girl Next Door:

DEAN:

You are what you are. You will kill again.

AMY:

I won't. I swear.

DEAN wakes in alarm and raises himself up onto one elbow, breathing heavily. He looks over at the other bed, which is empty. He lies back down and reaches out for the beer bottle, which is also empty.

LAPTOP SCREEN:

PROSPERITY MUNICIPAL ARCHIVES

Your search for FREAKY ACCIDENTS produced 1 results

There is a picture of WENDY GOODSON, the woman from the hair salon.

1. 3:30pm Today – SECOND OF TWO FREAKY DEATHS IN TWO WEEKS

PROSPERITY, INDIANA

Wendy Goodson, 36, resident of Prosperity, IN was burnt alive while having her hair done at her local hair dresser. Her charred remains indicate electrocution, yet investigators state there were no malfunctions to be found in the dryer or the electrical system of the salon. The electrical system was brand new and inspected recently by the city’s building inspectors. Police is [sic] listing Goodson’s death as accidental electricution [sic], however, there remains [sic] many questions to be answered. Goodwin’s family is bereft and remains vigilent [sic] in demanding answers to her untimely death.

Wendy Goodson has an established Real Estate business on Main Street in Prosperity, Indiana. She was known as the golden girl by her many friends. Goodwin was a well known and well loved person as she was involved in many community events and was very active in charity events. She volunteered at the hospice for many years and will be fondly remembered by her friends and colleagues.

DEAN is drinking a glass of whiskey as he reads and pours himself another, emptying the bottle. SAM jogs past the window and enters the room.

DEAN:

Somebody better be chasing you.

SAM:

It's good for you.

DEAN:

No. No, it's not good for you. Look at you. You're, you're a mess, and you stink. Well, while you were out being Lance Armstrong...

SAM takes a sports drink out of the refrigerator.

SAM:

That would be biking.

DEAN:

...I was working. You ever heard of a town called Prosperity, Indiana?

SAM:

Has anybody?

DEAN:

Two of their fine citizens died over the past two weeks. Uh, this one chick, she, uh, roasted underneath one of those beehive hair dryers at the hair salon...

The laptop screen shows the Wendy Goodson article. DEAN hits a key and a new page appears:

newsstatsearch.com

THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE SUBSCRIBER NEWS BROADCSATING [sic] AND ARCHIVAL SERVICES

US NATIONAL – INTERNATIONAL – REGIONAL – LOCAL

Members Log in PURENEGATIVE Pass Word ********

PROSPERITY, INDIANA Mary Ann Liu, Staff Reporter

FREAKY DEATH IN SMALL TOWN

Residents of Prosperity Indiana are shocked at the deaths [sic] of one of their residents.

Carl Dunlop, 42, of Prosperity IN, died in a hot tub from hypothalmia. For unknown reasons, Carl was unable to get out of the seemingly normally functioning hot tub and was essentially cook [sic] alive inside the hot tub. Investigators having scoured the crime scene could find no mechanical failure or other causes for the bizarre accident. Carls’ [sic] body indicated severe temperature rises but there was no mechanical justification for the death. Police concluded that there were no indications of foul play.

Dunlop was a local architect who designed small to medium sized projects. Of note, his city hall design won the Indiana Architecture Prize two years ago. He is survived by his sister and brother in law [?] with three nephews and a niece.

DEAN:

...and this other guy boiled in a hot tub.

SAM:

You don't see a lot of that.

DEAN:

No, you don't.

SAM:

It's worth checking out.

DEAN:

Yeah.

SAM:

You know, one more thing. What's going on with you?

DEAN:

We have had this conversation, Sam.

SAM:

No, we haven't. See, to do that, you'd have to, uh, sort of...speak.

DEAN:

Okay, let's see if you can get this straight. See you're -- you're new Sam, right, Lance Armstrong.

SAM:

Biking.

DEAN:

And, uh -- and I'm still me, okay? All right, so -- so, you might see things different now, uh -- call it a runner's high or some crap -- but that doesn't mean that something's going on with me, okay?

SAM:

Yeah, okay.

DEAN:

No, don't say, "yeah, okay," like, "yeah, okay."

SAM walks away.

SAM:

Yeah, okay.

EXT. JACK’S GROCERY PARKING LOT – DAY

CHET is walking towards his car, carrying a shopping bag and talking on his cell phone.

CHET (on phone):

Yes, sir, I understand.

Yeah, I definitely do realize this Winchester thing is taking far too long, and I'm sorry about that.

No worries.

I can be there in a day and a half.

Yeah, I'll hit the road now.

CHET puts the shopping bag into the trunk of his car, which contains a dead man.

CHET (on phone):

Just stopped for a quick refuel.

Thanks. It'll be my pleasure.

EXT. PROSPERITY, INDIANA – DAY

SAM and DEAN in the Impala drive down a main street. Wendy Goodwin’s picture is on the back of a bench.

EXT. PROSPERITY MEDICAL ARTS BUILDING – DAY

SAM:

I'm very sorry. I-I know this is a tough time to have to talk about all this.

WOMAN:

I've already been through it so many times with the lawyers, the police, the insurance guys.

SAM:

Right. I know. I know. We just -- we have to conduct our own separate investigation. I'm sorry. I know it's tough. Can I ask you -- did your sister have any enemies?

WENDY’S SISTER:

Why do you ask that? You think her death wasn't accidental?

SAM:

No. No, no, no. We just have to consider every possibility. Is there anyone who might have wanted to harm her?

WENDY’S SISTER:

You don't live here, so you don't know. Everyone...loved Wendy. She volunteered at the church. She ran a group for kids. I was the big sister, and I looked up to her.

SAM:

What about this man who died -- Carl Dunlap? Did she know him?

WENDY’S SISTER:

I don't think so.

SAM:

Well, Wendy was in real estate, right? Carl was an architect. Maybe they had some business dealings?

WENDY’S SISTER:

If they had worked together, I would've heard the name. Agent Sambora... If someone did this to my sister, find out who.

INT. JOSEPHINE’S HAIR SALON – DAY

DEAN:

And nobody was back here but Wendy.

CHRIS:

No. But I was only gone for a minute.

DEAN:

You can't even crank these things past a certain temperature -- am I wrong?

CHRIS:

If it started to blow a fuse or something, it would have shut down.

DEAN:

Oh. Basically, you're saying that this couldn't have happened.

CHRIS:

Basically, I'm saying it couldn't have happened.

DEAN looks behind the hairdryer frame.

CHRIS:

The insurance adjusters already did that.

DEAN:

Thanks for the heads-up.

DEAN finds a coin.

EXT. PROSPERITY, INDIANA STREETS – DAY

SAM and DEAN are walking on separate streets and talking on their cell phones.

SAM (on phone):

Wait. What kind of a coin?

DEAN (on phone):

It's not American. I don't know where it's from. It was wedged back behind one of those machines. Somebody could have dropped it. Of course, they don't have pockets in those robe thingies that they make you wear.

SAM (on phone):

[laughs] I didn't realize you were such a spa expert.

DEAN pauses next to a bench with an advertisement for Wendy Goodson Real Estate. The plants in planters on either side of the bench are dead.

DEAN (on phone):

Shut up. I observe with my eyes.

SAM (on phone):

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say. So, you thinking it must be some kind of hex talisman?

DEAN (on phone):

Uh, maybe.

SAM (on phone):

All right. Pick me up.

DEAN (on phone):

Why don't you just run home, Lance?

SAM (on phone):

Dean --

DEAN (on phone):

Yeah, I'll be there in a bit.

DEAN goes inside Van’s Liquor.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY

A MAN says goodbye to another man, who leaves in a pickup. The MAN puts some items in his own vehicle and enters a portable toilet. While he is urinating, a pump in the back of his vehicle starts and a nail gun rises and moves through the air, coming to a stop outside the portable toilet. As the MAN zips up, the toilet door springs open.

MAN:

Oh, come on!

The MAN turns around and sees the nail gun in mid-air, pointing at his face. The nail gun fires multiple times. Bloody nails protrude through the back wall of the portable toilet. The MAN has been shot many times, including once to the face. The nail gun moves in closer and shoots twice more. The pump then stops and the nail gun drops to the ground.

ACT TWO

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY

SAM and DEAN show ID badges. SAM goes inside a portable building and DEAN talks to a policeman outside.

DEAN:

So, what do we know about the vic?

POLICEMAN:

Dewey Stevens -- owner, Dewey Stevens Construction, biggest outfit in town. Rotarian, methodist, tenor, blue-ribbon pecan pie champ, asthmatic.

DEAN stares at the POLICEMAN.

POLICEMAN:

We're a close-knit community.

DEAN:

So, this, um, pillar of the community -- he was taking a leak before he, uh, sprung a few?

POLICEMAN:

The crew had gone for the day. Site was shut down.

DEAN looks inside the portable toilet and uncovers DEWEY STEVENS’ body.

DEAN:

Anything unusual besides the nails in the eyes?

POLICEMAN:

Well, we're still trying to figure out where they plugged in the nail gun, seeing as there's no generator on the truck.

DEAN:

Well, when you figure that out, let me know.

DEAN looks inside the portable toilet again and finds a coin. He then enters the portable building where SAM is using a laptop.

DEAN:

So, another victim everybody likes.

SAM:

Not everybody.

DEAN:

Another physically impossible death. You got any ideas?

SAM:

Cirque du Soleil?

DEAN:

Oh, I, uh, found another one of these, just like at the, uh, the hair-dryer/brain-roast.

DEAN hands SAM the coin.

SAM:

And I found a connection with all the vics. Um, these e-mail logs show Wendy, the real-estate chick, uh, Carl, the architect, and this Dewey guy were all working on a shopping center project together.

DEAN:

Why didn't we know about that?

SAM:

I- Well, it all fell apart for some reason. I mean, there are these e-mails back and forth, pretty hot and heavy, and suddenly they just stopped.

DEAN:

So, everybody working on this project has died?

SAM:

Well, not yet. Um, they were working with a developer, a guy named Don Stark.

DEAN:

Don Stark? Why do I know that name?

EXT. LARGE TOWN BUILDING – DAY

A bust of a man stands outside the building with a plaque reading “DON STARK Founder of the Prosperity Charity Foundation”. Posters on the building advertise an art auction run by The Margaret Stark Charity Foundation.

SAM:

Man, this Stark guy is really plugged in, huh?

DEAN:

So, all the players in this -- this shopping-center project have either fried, boiled, or kebabbed. He could be next.

DEAN takes out his flask and unscrews the lid.

SAM:

Really? From a freaking flask? What are you, bad Santa? On the job?

DEAN:

We're always on the job.

SAM’s phone beeps. DEAN takes a drink and SAM reads his phone message.

SAM:

All right. Bobby e-mailed back. I sent him a few pics of those coins you found. He says the writing is Romanian cyrillic, used only in the mid-15th to the 19th century. Apparently, it's an antique Wallachian ducat.

DEAN:

So, we're looking for an old Romanian?

SAM:

You know, is it just me, or is this really weird?

SAM looks at the dead plants around the base of the Don Stark bust.

DEAN:

Huh. I've seen this once before, where t-the plants are all dead in one spot.

SAM:

Where?

DEAN:

A bus bench with Wendy Goodson's picture on it. I mean, I'm no expert, but I don't think plants are supposed to act like this.

CHET’S CAR – DAY

MUSIC: See the Funny Little Clown by Bobby Goldsboro

♪ No one knows he's crying ♪

♪ no one knows he's dying on the inside ♪

♪ 'cause he's laughing on the outside ♪

♪ mm, no one knows ♪

INT. DON STARK’S HOUSE – DAY

DON STARK:

If the bureau's involved, I assume you think all three were murdered.

DEAN:

It's looking that way, yes.

SAM:

Now, Mr. Stark, you had a relationship with all three victims, correct?

DON STARK:

Oh, I knew them in business circles, I guess, sure.

DEAN:

And you were all involved in a, uh, a-a shopping-center project. Why'd that fall through?

DON STARK:

Uh, t-these things happen.

A blonde young woman appears and knocks on the doorway.

DON STARK:

Oh. Jenny. These gentlemen are from the FBI. Jenny Klein, my assistant.

JENNY:

Hi, there. Okay, Don, I'm off to the cleaner's, and then I'm gonna stop at Beaman, Beaman, and Beaman for the revised contracts.

DON STARK:

Hurry on back. You know how things fall apart without you.

JENNY:

[laughs] Oh, I baked you some cupcakes -- coconut.

DON STARK:

Coconut -- you're too good to me, Jenny.

JENNY:

I'll see you soon.

JENNY leaves. SAM and DEAN are staring at DON.

DON STARK:

She bakes cupcakes.

DEAN:

Yummy.

SAM:

You know, could you point me to the restroom? I had a little bit too much java.

DON STARK:

Yeah, around the corner, down the hall.

SAM:

Thanks.

SAM leaves the room.

DEAN:

So, uh, usually in cases like these –

SAM runs up a staircase.

DON STARK (V-O):

Are there cases like these?

DEAN (V-O):

Oh, you'd be surprised. Uh, we start out with the basics.

DEAN:

You have any business rivals?

DON STARK:

Sure, tons. You know, real estate's brutal.

DEAN:

Well, that was easy.

DON STARK:

On the other hand, I've demonstrated my love for this town, and I think it's safe to say I'm respected for what I've done here.

SAM enters a bedroom and then the walk-in closet. He discovers a high-heeled shoe with a broken heel, a necklace with a five-pointed star pendant, and a box containing witchcraft materials and papers with strange symbols.

DON STARK and DEAN are looking at a framed award which says: CITIZEN OF THE YEAR Presented to DON STARK in recognition of your outstanding contribution to the community. Your efforts and generous donations have provided tremendous benefits to the citizens of Prosperity and will for generations of the future. On behalf of the state of Indiana. In a logo: Citizen of the Year Award – The Year of 2010 – State of Indiana.

DON STARK:

Yeah, one of my real treasures.

DEAN looks at framed picture of an office tower and reads the inscription.

DEAN:

"To Don -- take no prisoners. D. Trump." The Trumpster! Wow.

DON STARK:

Like I said, success breeds fierce competition...

SAM reappears.

DON STARK:

... but in the end, everyone here respects and admires me.

SAM:

Including your wife?

DEAN and DON STARK look at SAM.

SAM:

Sorry. It's just, we heard the two of you were splitting up, right?

DEAN:

Yeah, that's, uh -- that's what we heard.

DON STARK:

Yeah, Maggie and I are going through a tough time. It's a separation -- temporary. Sometimes, you know, you grow apart. It's no one's fault.

SAM:

And how would you describe the, uh -- the issues between you and your wife?

DON STARK:

It’s just one of those marital misunderstandings, you know.

SAM:

No, I'm sorry. I don't.

DON STARK:

It's one of those vague, hard-to-define passages.

DEAN:

She caught you cheating, huh? I couldn't help but notice, uh, things were kind of cordial between you and your assistant. Pretty good with the ladies there, Mr. Stark? It's a blessing and a curse, isn't it?

DON STARK:

Guys, I'm a people person, and I admire dynamic, confident women.

SAM:

"Admire"?

DON STARK:

Okay, look -- it's true I had a recent... little thing with a business associate, but that's all it was.

DEAN:

A "thing"?

DON STARK:

Yeah.

SAM:

Like a -- like a shoe or a golf club.

DEAN:

Right. Like a waffle iron.

SAM:

Yeah.

DEAN:

Yeah. No, see, Don, uh, wives generally think of an affair as something more than a thing.

DON STARK:

Yes, and when Maggie found out about it, she needed some time off, temporarily.

DEAN:

Hmm. Now, if we were to guess that the, uh, uh, business associate was Wendy Goodson, would we win the weekend trip to Maui?

DON STARK:

No, her death had nothing to do with the affair. It was over long before her accident.

DEAN:

If it was an accident.

DON STARK:

You're not implying that Maggie was behind this.

SAM:

No, we're not implying anything. We're just saying... you should be careful. And take her to dinner and apologize.

DEAN:

Yeah, and, uh, grovel. Wouldn't hurt.

SAM and DEAN leave the STARKS’ house.

SAM:

Found a bunch of hex junk in their stuff -- clearly her thing. And the empty closet didn't seem like she was coming back anytime soon.

SAM notices more dead plants near the front door of the house.

DEAN:

So, Don admires Wendy, biblically, Wendy dies weird, and the scorned wife is into the dark stuff.

SAM:

While Don's just in the dark.

DEAN:

Hmm. It's kind of like "Bewitched." You know, Don's Darrin, doesn't even know it. A lot of laughs until, uh, you cheat on your wife.

SAM:

A "Bewitched" reference. Really?

DEAN:

Dude, Nicole Kidman was in the remake. Redhead. Hello!

SAM:

Look at all these dead plants.

DEAN:

Huh. It's kind of like the real-estate lady's place and Don's statue thing.

SAM:

You know, if she's strong enough, just being pissed off is enough to send some pretty bad vibes their way.

DEAN makes a call on his cell phone.

DEAN:

Literally kill off everything around her just by pms-ing at it. Eeh. That's not creepy at all.

DEAN (on phone):

Bobby, hey, it's Dean. Listen --

Winchester.

Yeah, very funny.

So, we need our kind of terminix.

A witch.

Yeah, we're headed over to her place to get you some more specifics, so if you could just, uh -- y-- thank y--

DEAN hangs up.

DEAN:

He's on it.

They get in the Impala and drive away.

EXT. LEASED HOUSE – DAY

SAM opens the trunk of the Impala. A sign outside the house says “For Lease: Furnished Executive Home”. Above it, another sign says “Leased”. SAM takes out his cell phone and makes a call.

INT. LEASED HOUSE – DAY

DEAN lets himself into the house, which is full of moving boxes. He goes up a stairway. In a bedroom closet, he discovers an altar with witchcraft materials and photographs of Carl Dunlop, Dewey Stevens and Wendy Goodson that have been marked with a symbol in blood. An unmarked picture of JENNY with the name Jennifer Klein and her library member number below it is in the center of the display. DEAN takes down the picture of JENNY and picks up her library card.

DEAN:

Don, keep it in your pants, man.

EXT. LEASED HOUSE – DAY

A car with the license plate STARK 2 pulls into the driveway. SAM tries to make a call.

RECORDED MESSAGE:

All circuits are busy.

SAM closes the trunk of the Impala and runs to intercept MAGGIE STARK.

SAM:

Mrs. Stark.

SAM holds up a badge.

SAM:

Could I have a moment?

MAGGIE STARK:

Of course. Um, would you mind coming back in, say, a half an hour? It's just a really bad time right now.

SAM:

It's very important that I talk to you.

MAGGIE STARK:

Of course, and I'm happy to. I'm just in the middle of an emergency, so please come back. Thank you!

SAM pushes hard on MAGGIE STARK’s car and sets off the alarm. MAGGIE STARK turns to look at the car. In the house, DEAN hears the alarm and closes the closet door. MAGGIE STARK uses her remote to turn off the alarm. DEAN appears in the window. SAM moves his leg several times to create a further distraction.

SAM:

I'm sorry -- uh... restless leg syndrome.

MAGGIE STARK enters the house as DEAN hides behind a wall. As she walks into another room, DEAN leaves the house by the front door. SAM is waiting for DEAN near the front gates.

DEAN:

Spoiler alert.

DEAN hands SAM the picture of JENNY and library card he took from the house.

DEAN:

Jenny Klein's next. Swiped her photo off a hex deck, but Maggie's gonna notice it's gone eventually. We got to get over to Jenny's.

SAM and DEAN get into the Impala and drive away.

INT. MAGGIE STARK’S LEASED HOUSE – DAY

MAGGIE STARK enters the bedroom and takes off her coat. She opens the closet door and sees that the photo of JENNY is missing.

INT. JENNY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Frosted cupcakes are sitting on a tray. JENNY is taking more cupcakes out of the oven.

INT. MAGGIE STARK’S LEASED HOUSE – DAY

MAGGIE STARK takes another photograph of Jenny from a box. She pricks her finger with a tack to draw blood and draws a symbol on the photograph.

INT. JENNY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jenny picks up one of the frosted cupcakes.

INT. MAGGIE STARK’S LEASED HOUSE – DAY

MAGGIE STARK:

Puterea magiei negre te condamna la suferinta si moarte.

INT. JENNY’S APARTMENT – DAY

JENNY takes a bite of the frosted cupcake. Blood appears on her lips and runs down her arm from the cupcake she is holding. A bleeding heart is beating inside the cupcake. JENNY chokes and drops the cupcake. The heart inside the cupcake continues to beat. JENNY spits blood into the sink. There is knocking the door. DEAN breaks through the door and he and SAM enter.

DEAN:

Find the coin, now!

DEAN helps JENNY sit on the floor while SAM looks through cupboards.

DEAN:

Come on, Sam!

SAM finds the coin on top of the cupboards. He places it on the counter, takes out his gun and shoots it as DEAN shields JENNY.

ACT THREE

INT. JENNY’S APARTMENT – DAY

JENNY is on the sofa. SAM and DEAN watch her from near the kitchen.

JENNY:

There were tiny beating hearts in my cupcakes. There were hearts in my cupcakes, hearts in my cupcakes! [becoming hysterical] That's never happened before! Hearts in my cupcakes!

DEAN:

Should I slug her?

SAM:

Give it a second.

JENNY:

Oh, my God. What just happened?

SAM:

You were hexed.

JENNY:

Hexed? Who are you people? What the hell do I do?

DEAN:

What you do is you go in there and you pack a bag, you get in your car, and you go.

JENNY:

Go where?

SAM:

It doesn't matter. Look, 500 or 600 miles ought to do it. You got someone real powerful real pissed, and they're trying to get rid of you now. In line with that, you might want to cool things with Don Stark.

JENNY:

Don Stark? What are you talking about?

DEAN:

You and Don. You know.

JENNY:

"You know"? There's no "you know."

SAM:

No?

JENNY:

Don Stark is my boss. That's it. He's married, for God sakes.

DEAN:

Yeah, well...

JENNY:

Me and Don Stark. Ew.

INT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – DAY

MAGGIE STARK:

What are you doing? Bunch these tables more in the middle. Give me a more air between paintings.

WOMAN:

Hey. Maggie, can you sign for the flowers? I've checked them. They're fine.

MAGGIE STARK:

Thank you, Sue. What would I do without you?

SUE:

Oh, please, I like helping. What are best friends for?

MAGGIE STARK:

It's just been so tough to focus with Don, the whole mess.

SUE:

It's like he put a knife right in your heart, isn't it?

MAGGIE STARK:

Yes.

SUE:

Was I wrong to tell you about him and Wendy?

MAGGIE STARK:

No. No. You think I'd want you to stand by and watch him make a fool of me? I love you for what you did.

SUE:

I love you, too.

MAGGIE STARK:

No, no, no. The still life doesn't go there. It goes on the left side.

MAGGIE STARK walks off.

SUE (to MAN):

So, uh, we're gonna need, uh, one centrepiece on each of the tables and two at the back.

DON STARK enters.

SUE:

Don.

DON STARK:

Where's my wife?

SUE:

You mean the one who's divorcing you?

DON STARK:

Sue, I know you can hardly wait until I'm out of the picture...

MAGGIE STARK walks into earshot.

DON STARK:

... and I know it's been a thrill whispering lies into Maggie's ear --

SUE:

Oh, but they weren't lies, were they, Don?

DON STARK:

I made one mistake -- one.

SUE:

I sincerely doubt that.

DON STARK:

This is between Maggie and me. It has nothing to do with you.

MAGGIE STARK:

What do you want, Don?

DON STARK:

I'd like to speak with you.

MAGGIE STARK nods to SUE, who walks away.

MAGGIE STARK:

Make it quick.

DON STARK:

Okay. You know what, Maggie? I think I've been patient. And you've had your fun. It was very creative, the thing with Wendy, but, you know, enough is enough.

MAGGIE STARK:

No, Don, enough is not enough, not even close.

DON STARK:

What do you want, my oysters on a tray?

MAGGIE STARK:

Well, now that you mention it --

DON STARK:

The fact is, none of this was my fault! Maybe if you'd been around a little more. But between the art and the charity and that evil bitch Sue, I was edged right out of your life.

MAGGIE STARK:

Oh, boo-hoo, Mr. Big Shot, Mr. "I got to put my name on every public works in town."

DON STARK makes a protesting noise.

MAGGIE STARK:

There was three of us in this marriage -- me, you, and your ego. That was the problem, Don. So, excuse me. I have a charity event to arrange.

DON STARK:

Two FBI agents came by, asking questions.

MAGGIE STARK:

Hunters, sweetheart -- that's what they are. Oh, I can see you're terribly concerned for my safety, but don't worry -- I'll take care of it.

DON STARK:

Maggie, this stops. You hear me? As of now.

DON STARK leaves.

MAGGIE STARK:

You're so cute when you try to tell me what to do.

EXT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – DAY

DON STARK exits the building and looks at the dead plants around the base of the bust. As he watches and the Impala pulls up, the bust starts to shake and the head cracks in two, the face falling to the ground. MAGGIE STARK watches from a window. DON STARK gets into his car.

DEAN:

Now she's just getting nasty. Killing the girlfriend is one thing, but his commemorative bust? That's got to hurt.

SAM:

She'll take the whole town out, Dean. She don't care who gets in the way.

DEAN’s phone rings.

DEAN (on phone):

Hey, Bobby. What do you got?

Yeah?

You think it'll take her out?

All right.

No, I don't need to write it down. I'll remember. Go ahead.

Mm-hmm.

The -- wait. Hang on. Hang on.

DEAN gestures to SAM.

DEAN (on phone):

Yeah?

Wait. Wa-- ho-- ho-- hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

SAM hands over a diner menu and a pen.

DEAN (on phone):

Okay, what was the, uh -- what was that last one?

Right.

Uh-huh.

I'll remember. It's fine.

INT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

MAGGIE STARK is at the podium in evening dress.

MAGGIE STARK:

Hello, everyone, and thanks for coming. Most of you know that philanthropy and art are my two passions, but what we've -- not there! Where is the ice? People will be here in seconds. What we've assembled here tonight may be my crowning achievement, not to be immodest.

SUE claps.

SUE:

See? I told you. Everything's perfect.

MAGGIE STARK:

Yeah, you -- you just reminded me. I have to check on the finger sandwiches.

INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

DEAN is sitting at the table, about to take a bite from a pie. SAM enters.

DEAN:

Dude. Pie.

SAM sets a plastic bag down right next to the pie.

DEAN:

Ugh. That is --

SAM:

Chicken feet, just like the recipe calls for. Butcher's fridge is down.

DEAN:

I can smell that.

SAM:

Uh, says the power's been wonky and that he's lost so much product, he probably won't make rent. Ditto every shop on the block -- nothing but burst pipes and blackouts.

DEAN:

Huh.

SAM:

He says it's like all of a sudden, the town ran out of luck.

DEAN:

So, coincidence, right?

DEAN picks up the bag of chicken feet and walks over to SAM.

SAM:

Uh...yeah. We're past the point of dead flowers.

DEAN:

What can I say? I guess the witch is pissed. All right, let's, uh -- we better get a move on here. Why don't you just...

DEAN holds the bag out at arm’s length.

DEAN:

C-can you take the feet?

SAM holds out a bowl and DEAN drops the bag into it.

SAM:

Ugh.

EXT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

DON STARK pulls up in front of the building in his car.

INT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

MAGGIE STARK walks up to SUE, holding drinks.

MAGGIE STARK:

To us. I couldn't have done it without you.

They clink glasses.

SUE:

To us.

SUE takes the skewer out of her drink. On it is an olive and an eyeball. She screams and drops her glass.

EXT. OUTSIDE TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

DON STARK, who is sitting in his car, smiles.

INT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

SUE:

That is disgusting!

MAGGIE STARK looks around.

MAGGIE STARK:

No.

The paint on the paintings hung around the room starts to run.

MAGGIE STARK:

No. Not my paintings.

SUE:

Maggie? What is going on?

MAGGIE STARK:

He did this. How could he? He knew what this meant to me.

SUE:

Do you mean Don? Don rigged all this?

MAGGIE STARK:

Yes!

SUE:

But how?

MAGGIE STARK:

Just trust me. He wants to hurt me.

SUE:

I told you -- he's a dick. But we'll get through this because you have people who love you, and he can't take that away from you.

A silver platter rises from a table, sails through the air and decapitates SUE.

EXT. OUTSIDE TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

DON STARK smiles again and drives away.

INT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

MAGGIE STARK:

Fine, Donald. It's war.

EXT. OUTSIDE TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN pull up in the Impala and see flashing police and ambulance lights.

DEAN:

What the hell?

INT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN show badges to a policeman at the door and enter the art auction room. They see a pool of blood and SUE’s covered body.

DEAN:

Whoa. Clean-up on aisle 7.

SAM:

Okay, I don't guess she'd do this to her own auction.

DEAN:

No, obviously it was someone who hated her guts and wanted her party trashed.

SAM:

Don Stark.

EXT. TOWN BUILDING HOUSING ART AUCTION – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN exit the building.

DEAN:

So, the mister's a witch, himself. That means we got not just one pissed-off witch. We've got two. It's full-on "War of the Roses."

SAM:

"Bewitched" just got a lot less funny.

DEAN:

It's like when they switched Darrins.

SAM and DEAN get into the Impala and drive off. CHET watches them from a parked vehicle.

ACT FOUR

EXT. OUTSIDE THE STARK HOUSE – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN are sitting in the Impala.

SAM:

Where is she?

DEAN:

She'll be here. They've been throwing thunderbolts at each other's favorite toys. There's nothing left to destroy but each other. This is basically ground zero.

SAM:

I hope so. We're gonna need them both in the same place if we're gonna take them down.

MAGGIE STARK's vehicle approaches.

DEAN:

Screens up, Captain.

SAM and DEAN lean down in their seats so as not to be seen.

INT. STARK HOUSE – NIGHT

MAGGIE STARK enters. DON STARK is sitting in an armchair with a drink.

DON STARK:

Want one, sweetie?

MAGGIE STARK:

Shove it. We are so having it out right now.

The door opens and SAM and DEAN enter. DEAN is carrying a bowl.

DEAN:

Furor divina virtute in infernum eam detrude!

SAM strikes a match and lights the contents of the bowl. White smoke and steam rise.

MAGGIE STARK:

Let me guess -- chicken feet? Not chilled?

DON STARK:

For obvious reasons, you won't be leaving this room.

DON STARK puts down his glass and rises to stand next to MAGGIE STARK.

DON STARK:

Well, you will be leaving -- just not alive. Maggie?

DON STARK and MAGGIE STARK raise their arms and speak in unison.

DON STARK and MAGGIE STARK:

Puterea magiei negre...

SAM:

Okay, plan B.

DEAN:

What's plan B?

SAM:

Talking.

DON STARK and MAGGIE STARK:

...La suferinta...

DEAN:

Now? Really?

SAM:

This is obviously a domestic dispute. So if you can't kill them, counsel them.

DEAN:

Yeah. You know what? Not my area!

DON STARK and MAGGIE STARK:

Supune-te ordinelor mele --

DEAN:

Okay, okay, okay. Uh...

DEAN puts the bowl down on a chair.

DEAN:

Look -- obviously, you two are capable of wiping each other out, right? But you haven't, huh? Which means that you two -- you still value whatever it is you got. A-and you want keep that dance going. Maybe it's -- maybe it's punishment. Maybe it's -- it's sick, messed-up, erotic, kinky, clamps and feathers kind of love.

SAM:

Okay, okay, t-that's -- that's going way too deep, there, cowboy. Look, what he's trying to say is that -- is that you two -- whatever it is you have, you're bonded.

MAGGIE STARK:

Are you out of your mind? He cheated on me, humiliated me.

SAM:

We're not trying to say what Don did was right. When a relationship cracks, usually both parties have a hand in it.

DON STARK:

Indeed.

MAGGIE STARK:

You're defending him?

MAGGIE STARK reaches out an arm towards SAM, who falls to the ground in pain.

SAM:

Ugh!

DEAN:

Whoa! Okay, okay! Okay, look -- n-nobody can defend Don. Right? Uh, totally. But, uh, we get that you feel betrayed...because you were.

DON STARK:

Don't suck up to her.

DON STARK puts out an arm and sends DEAN flying backwards into a glass door.

MAGGIE STARK:

I was betrayed by all of them. Carl introduced you to Wendy. Dewey covered for you. Wendy did you!

SAM:

Okay, okay, look --

SAM rises to his feet.

SAM:

I got to say I-I don't think Don was lying when he said he regrets the whole Wendy thing.

MAGGIE STARK:

"Thing"? Sit down.

MAGGIE STARK makes a hand motion and SAM falls to the ground again.

SAM:

Aagh! Ugh! Yeah, affair -- that's right, terrible.

SAM rolls around on the floor in pain.

MAGGIE STARK:

I think the only thing he regrets is getting caught.

DON STARK:

Wendy was nothing to me. It was over as soon as it started.

MAGGIE STARK:

She was part of a pattern, okay? I've had 800 years of this. Do not make me bring up the Renaissance!

DON STARK:

Oh! Oh! You're one to talk. 1492 ring any bells?

MAGGIE STARK:

The man was about to set sail! He could possibly fall off of the edge of the earth. I took pity. So, what's your excuse?

DON STARK:

I told you -- nothing happened with the Medici chick! You've always been insanely jealous.

MAGGIE STARK:

Oh, I wonder why! Jenny. Wendy.

DON STARK:

Jenny? Nothing happened with Jenny. She's just my assistant.

DEAN gets to his feet and stands in the doorway.

DEAN:

That's true. She, uh -- she told us -- just an assistant.

MAGGIE STARK flings out an arm towards DEAN and he falls backwards again.

DEAN:

Whoa!

MAGGIE STARK:

Is that true?

DON STARK:

Yes, I swear it, babe. I would never. I made a mistake. I'm sorry, Maggie.

SAM gets to his feet again.

SAM:

See? See? Guys, guys... You're talking.

DEAN gets up and stands in the doorway again.

SAM:

All these years, you – you -- you buried your anger and your disappointment till it tore you apart. All you needed to do was talk.

DEAN:

And I would have missed the nuking that my melon just took. Well, who wants that?

MAGGIE STARK flings out an arm and slams DEAN into the other side of the doorway. DON STARK raises an arm and surrounds DEAN’s head with bees.

MAGGIE STARK:

Nice touch.

DON STARK:

Thank you.

DEAN inhales and spits out a bee. MAGGIE STARK laughs.

DON STARK:

He's right. I couldn't kill you. All I ever wanted is you, Mags. I've been crushing on you since forever. You're the woman that I want to never grow old with.

MAGGIE STARK:

I could never murder you either, Don. It's crazy... But true.

MAGGIE STARK smiles and they kiss.

DEAN:

Somebody want to call these things off? Ex-- excuse me!

ACT FIVE

INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

SAM and DEAN enter. DEAN takes out his flask and drinks from it. SAM raises his eyebrows.

DEAN:

Oh, give me a break.

SAM:

I didn't say anything.

DEAN:

It's been a long day.

CHET:

And it's not over yet.

SAM and DEAN spin around and DEAN pulls out his gun.

CHET:

Hi, Sam. Hi, Dean.

SAM:

Do we know you?

CHET:

Well, I definitely know you. You're the dead guys. Well, you will be in a minute.

DEAN shoots CHET. Black liquid runs from CHET’s chest and the bullet pops out.

CHET:

Sorry. You're a bit outmatched.

CHET punches DEAN, sending him sprawling to the floor, and grabs SAM by the throat. CHET then falls to the floor himself, electrocuted. DON STARK stands in the doorway. SAM and DEAN get up.

DEAN:

Don. Well, thank you. We owe you.

DON STARK:

Good God. What is that thing?

SAM:

I guess we should be figuring that out.

DEAN:

It is on our to-do list.

DON STARK:

You know, find a bottomless pit and drop it in. Spell only lasts for a few days.

DON STARK walks to the beds and feels around under a mattress.

SAM:

Uh, what are you even doing here?

DON STARK:

Apparently, saving your lives -- twice.

DON STARK holds up a coin.

DON STARK:

Got it.

SAM:

Maggie? Seriously?

DON STARK feels around under the other mattress.

DEAN:

She was gonna kill us? We just saved your damn marriage.

DON STARK holds up a second coin.

DON STARK:

Yeah, but to be fair, you also tried to kill her. You know how she is when she gets a bug up her ass. Got to love her, right? Right. Bottomless pit. Ciao!

DON STARK leaves and closes the door behind him.

EXT. MOTEL CAR PARK – NIGHT

SAM closes the rear passenger-side door of the Impala. A chained CHET is in the back seat.

DEAN (on phone):

Yeah, he's ready for transport. I just hope you got someplace you can put him, Bobby.

All right.

DEAN hangs up and puts a bag into the trunk.

DEAN:

We should hit the road. You ready?

DEAN walks to the driver’s door of the Impala. SAM is standing at the passenger side.

SAM:

Hey, were you, um, were you listening to the Starks tonight?

DEAN:

Uh, a little, when I wasn't getting slammed into a wall or stung by bees.

SAM:

You notice how they, uh, you know, how they -- how they opened up, got everything off their chest?

DEAN:

Yeah. Kudos on selling them that crap.

SAM:

It wasn't crap, Dean. It worked.

DEAN:

Sam, I am so very, very, very, very...very, very tired --

SAM:

Dean, like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about doesn't just go away. It builds up, like whatever's eating at you right now.

DEAN:

There's always something eating at me. That's who I am. Something happens, I feel responsible, all right? The Lindbergh baby -- that's on me. Unemployment -- my bad.

SAM:

That's not what I'm talking about.

DEAN:

Well, then what the hell are you talking about?

SAM:

I'm talking about whatever you're not telling me about. Look, Dean, it's fine. You can unload. That's kind of what I'm here for.

DEAN just looks at SAM.

SAM:

I mean... we're good, right?

DEAN:

We're good.

DEAN gets into the car. SAM stands for a moment looking somewhat hurt and frustrated. They drive away.

END