Hammer of the Gods

Hammer Of The Gods is the 19th episode of Season 5.

Synopsis
Sam and Dean are kidnapped by a group of gods, including Kali, Ganesh, and Baldur, and held hostage in a small hotel. The gods want to use Sam and Dean as bargaining chips to stop the Apocalypse, but Gabriel shows up and warns them that if Lucifer finds them he will kill them all.

Summary


NOW

Muncie, Indiana. A police car pulls up to an abandoned and beyond decrepit hotel called the Elysian Fields. A policeman gets out and heads inside, where he cuts through the darkness with his flashlight. He hears a sound and calls out, getting no answer...but keeps on checking it out. As he walks around, he passes a pot full of long dead crocuses.They suddenly come back to life and come into full bloom. He notices a shattered mirror behind him heal, and turns around to see a man in a tux.

The policeman tells the tuxedoed man he can't be here, but the man begs to differ -- he has to get the place ready, he says, because they're coming. All of them. And, he adds, we each have our part to play.

"Even you!" the man says cheerily. "You are dinner." The man grabs the cop and as he pulls him out of the shot, a thick splash of blood soils the mirror.

By the time Sam and Dean pull up, the Elysian has been fully restored to its glory. They can't believe their luck, finding a swank hotel in the middle of nowhere. The man in the tux is now behind the counter in a red hotel employee jacket, and checks the boys in. He notices a cut on Dean's neck and immediately produces a towel for him to blot it.

Dean is perplexed, but accepts. The man hands over their key. Dean asks if the hotel has a coffee shop.

He elegantly gestures with his right hand. "Buffet. All you can eat. Best pie in the Tri-State area," he says.

Understatement of the year. In fact, the buffet is stocked with every pie imaginable. A man at the buffet grins. "Heaven, right?" he says to Dean. "Better," Dean replies...because it's true.

Dean takes a slice, greedily grabbing a garnish off of a chocolate cream for good measure, and heads over to sit down. But he pauses at the sight of a beautiful dark skinned woman in a red dress, swirling a pink martini with a swizzle stick.

"How you doin'?" he says, and she cuts him off without even looking up: "No."

"But --" Dean tries again, and is again shut down with a quiet, "No."

"But lady, I'm just..."

"I understand," she says again. "And, no." She contemplates the heart-shaped skewered cherry in her cocktail as Dean gives up.

Dean sits down at the table, but Sam's itchy to go. He points out the storm outside is "biblical" in its force, yet they're relaxing and eating pie. Dean wishes he would unclench, and comforts him by saying that Bobby has every feeler out there that he possibly can have.

"Nobody's giving up," Dean assures him, "especially me." He adds they'll find Adam and Cas, but Sam is no good to him burned out. He tells him to take the night off and enjoy it. Behind them a waitress swoops off to the kitchen, where the chef is preparing another dish apparently including....a bloody, severed arm on the cutting board.

The boys head to their rooms and notice a horny couple making out in a corner. Dean grins; Sam is not so entertained and tries to ignore them. "What are you, twelve?" he says to Dean.

"I'm young at heart," Dean jokes.

They check into their room, and Dean is immediately floored by the little touches: chocolate on their pillows, "Casa Erotica 13" on demand. But Sam is suspicious. He wonders what a four-star hotel is doing in the middle of a no-star highway. Dean doesn't care, and starts grinning at the giggles and high-pitched moans of the amorous couple, who is now in the room next to them. Suddenly something in the room slams against the walls hard enough to dislodge the bricks in Sam and Dean's room. The boys check it out, but when they enter the room, the sheets are messed up, but nobody's home. In fact, the only evidence they can find anyone has been there is a diamond solitaire ring left on the shag carpet.

Sam and Dean report the noise to the man behind the desk, and he calmly tells them the honeymooners next door, Mr. and Mrs. Logan, have checked out. Just now, he says, with a calm, bright smile. Dean points out not only is it weird for them to check out in the middle of, er, something, but they checked out without a diamond ring. The man behind the counter smiles and takes the ring from Dean, assuring him it'll go into the lost and found -- not to worry.

He asks the boys if they need anything else, and when they say no, he sends them off with, "Super fantastic."

That pretty much breaks the needle on the creepy meter. It's a case, much to Dean's disappointment. One night off, he gripes. Is that too much to ask? He puts Sam on Norman Bates and takes to the halls to investigate.

Sam follows the concierge down a hallway, but loses him around a corner. Right about that time, he notices that he also is bleeding from a cut on his neck.

Dean heads down another hallway with his EMF meter, and walks past an open room inside of which, he notices in his peripheral vision, seems to be an elephant tossing around a towel with his trunk. When he doubles back, it's a very large black man with a towel wrapped around his middle. "This ain't no peep show!" the guy says angrily, and moves to shut the door.

Inside another room, a handsome man puts a necklace around the beautiful dark-skinned woman's neck, and tells her how beautiful she is. He kisses her neck and puts his hands on her waist. "I hate sweet," she says coldly, then the concierge interrupts. He tells the couple the last guests just arrived, the pantry is full and the Winchesters are suspicious, but under control. Everything is as ready as it'll ever be.

The woman asks the concierge if he has their blood. Of course, he says, and in the blink of an eye, zips across the room to present the woman with two vials. "I'm quick," he says with a smile. "Boys never even knew what hit 'em."

"Thank you, Mercury," she coos. The man says it's time to get the show on the road.

Sam and Dean rendezvous in the lobby and trade their strange stories, but go silent when they notice the lobby is empty and the doors are locked. Sam begins to think about how they got there -- a detour off the highway, then the freak hurricane. They realize they were led to the hotel. "Like rats in a maze," Sam says.

The boys head into the kitchen only to find it empty as well. A pot of red liquid boils on the stove. "Please be tomato soup. Please be tomato soup," Dean says, stirring a ladle into the liquid and pulling up...eyeballs.

Welcome to Hotel Hell. Sam eyes the meat locker and creeps up to it, only to be startled by a frantic hand banging on the window. The people inside scream for them to let them out, and Sam fumbles as he pulls out his lock-picking kit. Dean yells at him to hurry up, but it's too late. Sam freezes and stares over Dean's head. "There's something behind me, isn't there?" Dean whispers nervously. Why yes -- a large Asian man, and an African American gentleman. They roughly grab the boys and force them into the grand ballroom where the dark skinned woman and her consort wait with a blonde, an old man, the elephant guy, and others.

They're all wearing name tags: the elephant man is, of course, Ganesh. The old man is Odin. The beautiful lady in red is Kali the Destroyer. The black man who grabbed them is Baron Samedi, a high-ranking voodoo spirit. All of them are gods from non-Christian pantheons.

"Something tells me this isn't a shriner convention," Dean jokes.

Mercury enters with a rolling cart carrying a covered platter surrounded by meat. "Dinner is served," he says, uncovering the platter to reveal a severed head covered in goo. The attendants applaud, and a spotlight turns on Sam and Dean. The man with Kali, Baldur  says, "Our guests of honor have arrived."

They seat Sam and Dean in front of the group, now sitting at a convention table. Baldur calls the room to order by clinking his fork on a champagne glass. He says he never thought he'd see this day, with so many gods under one roof. Baldur lays down a few ground rules. No slaughtering each other. Easy on the wrath. Oh, and try to leave the local virgins alone, they're trying to keep a low profile.

"Oh we're so, so screwed," Sam whispers.

"We all know why we're here," Baldur says. "The Judeo-Christian Apocalypse looms over us. I know we've all had our disagreements in the past. The time has come to put those aside and look toward the future. Because if we don't, we won't have one." He then points to Dean and Sam and says they have valuable bargaining chips -- Michael and Lucifer's vessels. He asks the assembled gods what to do with them.

Zao Shen (the kitchen god) stands up and makes a forceful declaration in a foreign language. Ganesh laughs. "Kill 'em? What, so the angels can bring the back again?" (A concept with which Ganesh is intimately familiar.)

Odin laughs off the concept, offending Zao Shen in the process. They get into an argument, and the Winchesters use the diversion to try to sneak out of the room, but a chandelier crashes to the ground in front of them, blocking their way.

"Stay," Kali orders coldly, standing up. The boys turn around. Kali goes on to give her suggestion: They have to fight. The only thing the archangels understand is violence anyway, she says. This all ends in blood. "It's them, or us," she finishes. Mercury  politely suggests they haven't even tried talking to them. Kali turns her cold gaze on him. He immediately begins to choke up blood. Another God stops her from killing Mercury outright.

Then the doors fly open, and Gabriel colorfully struts in. "Can't we all just get along?" he says hammily, then takes away Sam and Dean's voices before they can speak.

"Sam. Dean. It's always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?" Gabriel says. Baldur is not pleased, and addresses Gabriel as Loki. Gabriel says he's there to talk about the Apocalypse. "We can't stop it, gang. But, first things first."

Gabriel turns to Sam and Dean, and tells them the adults need to have a private conversation. With a wave of his hand, he teleports Sam and Dean into a nearby room, where they take a moment to freak out. They try to figure out a next move. Dean suggests they free the people from freezer.

Gabriel, however, drops in to rain on their parade. Dean blames him for the Hotel of Horror. Gabriel tells him he had nothing to do with it. "I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your ass!" he says. He explains the gods were either going to kill them or use them as bait. Either way, Gabriel says, "you're uberboned."

Dean can't figure out why Gabriel cares, and at first he insists he doesn't. Then he admits he and Kali, they had a thing. "Chick was all hands," Gabriel says. (Rimshot.) "What can I say, I'm sentimental."

Then Sam has a glimmer. He asks Gabriel if the gods have a chance against Lucifer, and Gabriel laughs. Lucifer will turn them into finger paint, he says, so it's best to get going while the getting's good. Dean asks why Gabriel doesn't just zap them out of there. He explains Kali has them tethered with a blood spell.

So, Gabriel says between spritzes of breath spray, he'd better work some black magic of his own.

Dean demands Gabriel also save the captives in the freezer, but Gabriel refuses. Then Dean realizes something -- the gods think he's Loki. Which means they don't know who he really is. Dean repeats his demands, adding if Gabriel doesn't do what he asks, he'll out him to the other gods. After Dean rebuffs Gabriel's other threats, they have a deal.

Kali is disrobing in her room when the lights suddenly go out, and a sumptuous candlelit dinner appears. Gabriel stands by with a rose, and Kali greets him with, "Leave."

But "Loki" won't be so easily dismissed, even though Kali has moved on with Baldur. Gabriel reveals Kali called him there. The goddess is displeased he isn't taking things seriously. Gabriel proposes if the end is coming, they should just leave. "Screw this marble. Let's go check out Pandora," he jokes.

Kali insists they can fight. Gabriel breaks it to her -- if they do, they'll be toast. No more tricks, he says. "I'm begging you -- don't do this."

"I have to," she whispers.

"Can't blame me for trying," Gabriel says. "Still love me?"

"No," Kali answers, and pulls him in roughly for a kiss.

Downstairs, Sam and Dean are sneaking to the kitchen and are forced to hide and watch as Zao Shen and other gods sacrifice a human over the front desk. When they get to the kitchen, Sam is about to pick the front lock when Zao Shen grabs him from behind and starts to strangle him with one hand. Dean is behind the kitchen god, though, and runs him through with a thick beam. "Where's Gabriel?" Dean asks.

In answer, we see "Loki" hoping his kiss is enough to distract Kali as he reaches for the vials of Sam and Dean's blood. It isn't. Gabriel cries out as Kali pushes him away. "You must take me for a fool...Gabriel," Kali coos. She holds up her hand, which has his blood on it. "You're bound to me," she tells him, "now and forever."

Suddenly, the screen breaks up static, and two nerds get into our faces...it's the Ghostfacers, with an unexpected commercial for their show. Which has a cheesetastic theme song. (And is now a webseries on the CW's site.)

Two goons bring Sam and Dean back into the main ballroom, where Gabriel sits at Kali's side. She announces to the room the Trickster has tricked them. Gabriel pleads with her, but she sits on his lap and reminds him that he belongs to her...and, she adds, he has something she wants. She slowly moves her hand to his chest, but instead of ripping out his heart, she produces his weapon.

"An archangel's blade," she tells them, completing the outing with, "From the archangel Gabriel."

Gabriel admits he's an angel, but insists he's not a spy, but a runaway really trying to save them. Kali refuses to believe him.

"I know my brother, Kali," he says. "He should scare the living crap out of you. You can't beat him." He says he's skipped ahead and seen how this ends.

"Your story, not ours," Kali tells him. "Westerners, I swear -- the sheer arrogance. You think you're the only ones on Earth? You pillage and you butcher in your God's name. But you're not the only religion. And he's not the only god. Now you think you can just rip the planet apart? You're wrong. There are billions of us, and we were here first. If anyone gets to end this world...it's me."

She tells Gabriel she's sorry, and runs him through with a blade. Gabriel screams and glows for a moment. Then he's gone. Kali says this proves that they can kill Lucifer.

Dean decides it's time to channel another god: Bruce Campbell.

"All right you primitive screwheads, listen up," he says, standing up and affecting the swagger of a man who's out of options. "Now on any other given day, I'd be doing my damndest to kill you. You filthy murdering chimps. But, uh, hey -- desperate times. So even though I'd love nothing better than to slit your throats, you dicks, I'm going to help you. I'm going to help you ice the devil. And then we can all get back to ganking each other, like normal."

He pours himself a glass of whiskey.

He tells them if they want Lucifer, he and Sam can get him there. He tells the gods they'll help if they let the other people go. If it doesn't work, Dean says, "you can eat me...literally."

Cut to the hotel's front doors opening and the people previously trapped the freezer running out, screaming bloody murder. Someone calls to Dean from the back seat of the Impala. It's...Gabriel? "You think I'd give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me," he jokes.

He tells Dean he made the fake out of a can of orange Slice. He then tells Dean that Kali liked his speech, and tells him to get close and grab their blood so they can all get out.

Dean counters Gabriel should sack up and help them kill Lucifer. Gabriel refuses and says he's blowing Jonestown, but Dean says he sees right through Gabriel. Even though the gods in there stabbed him through the heart, they're still his family and he gives a crap about them. Dean reminds Gabriel they're going to die without his help.

"I can't kill my brother," Gabriel tells him.

"Can't or won't?" Dean asks, and gets no response. "Thought so." Dean exits the Impala and leaves Gabriel there.

Sam tells Kali to fulfill his end of the deal, the sigils must be removed from his ribs. "Would be easier to break them," she coos, but foreplay is interrupted when Dean comes in and rats out Gabriel. "Hate to break it to you, but you've been tricked," he tells Kali.

As she's peeling her jaw off the floor, Mercury is summoned by the front desk bell dinging. He turns around to see...Lucifer, inside his deteriorating vessel. "Checking in," Lucifer says.

Lucifer tells Mercury he was right to call him. Mercury explains the talk inside the room was getting crazy.

"You know," Lucifer tells him. "I never did understand you pagans. You're such...petty little things. Always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us."

He points at Mercury and tells him they're worse than humans, or demons. And yet, Lucifer says, they claim to be gods. He leans his head to one side and twists his finger, twisting Mercury's neck at the same time. "And they call me prideful," Lucifer sneers.

Inside the ballroom the lights are flashing. Baldur and Kali can tell something's wrong. Outside, Odin is wailing at Lucifer's feet as he crushes him. Ganesh charges Lucifer and with a wave of his hand, the devil turns the elephant god into a stain on the wall. He does the same to Baron Samedi.

"It's him," Sam says nervously. Dean begs the gods to zap them away, and Baldur says they can't. Lucifer is stopping them, and now he's in the room. Baldur moves to confront Lucifer, and asks what gives his kind the right to take over the planet. Lucifer replies by punching through Baldur's torso. "No one gives us the right," he says calmly. "We take it." He withdraws his bloody arm from Baldur, who collapses dead on the floor. Kali makes her last stand. Her arms become pillars of flame, and she floods Lucifer with fire, but he emerges unscathed. She steps up to punch him with flaming fists, but he sends her flying with an uppercut.

Gabriel suddenly appears and hands Dean a copy of "Casa Erotica 13", telling him to guard it with his life. He steps in as Lucifer moves to grind Kali underfoot and pushes his brother across the room.

"Lucy...I'm home!" Gabriel jokes, guarding Kali with his angelic blade. He instructs Dean and Sam to get Kali out of the room, and holds off Lucifer, who can't believe his brother would betray him over a girl. "I knew you were slumming, but I hope you didn't catch anything."

"Lucifer," Gabriel tells him, "you're my brother, and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks."

"What did you just say to me?"

Gabriel taunts him, saying he could play the victim all he wanted, but the truth was dad loved him best. Everyone knew it. But then dad brought the new baby home, and Lucifer couldn't handle it.

"All this is just a great big temper tantrum," Gabriel says. "Time to grow up."

Sam and Dean hustle Kali into the Impala. They drive off as quickly as possible.

Gabriel informs Lucifer if Michael were there he'd tell him the same thing, and Lucifer angrily accuses him of being disloyal. Gabriel corrects his brother: "Oh, I'm loyal...to people." Lucifer asks why Gabriel is willing to die for a "pile of cockroaches," and Gabriel answers God was right -- "they are better than us."

"They are broken, flawed abortions," Lucifer insists. Gabriel agrees, but adds a lot of them try to do better, to forgive.

"And," he says offhandedly, "you should see the Spearmint Rhino!"

He tells Lucifer he's been riding the pine for a long time, and he's not Lucifer's side, or Michael's. "I'm on theirs."

Lucifer begs Gabriel not to make him do this, and Gabriel points out that nobody makes them do anything.

"I know you think you're doing the right thing, Gabriel," Lucifer says, as the real Gabriel slowly steps up behind Lucifer, "but I know where your heart truly lies."

Lucifer turns around and catches Gabriel raising his blade to him, and redirects it to make Gabriel stab himself in the gut. "Here," Lucifer finishes. The illusion Gabriel disappears.

"Amateur hocus pocus," Lucifer whispers to the real Gabriel. "Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother." Lucifer twists the blade, and Gabriel screams and glows, for real this time. Lucifer leaves Gabriel on the ground, his wings burned into the floor on each side.

Then...we're treated to the opening scenes from "Casa Erotica 13," complete with a disclaimer at the start all of the performers in the film are of legal age. Open on a blonde woman wearing nothing but underwear and Lucite heels doing a "dear diary" voiceover, talking about how super fun it is to be a high powered executive, but sometimes she needs something different. Sometimes she needs...Casa Erotica. There's a knock at her door...it's room service.

The boys are watching this on their laptop. Sam can't believe Gabriel asked them to guard it with his life. Dean shrugs. "It is a good one," he says.

In the film, the door opens, and the room service waiter appears: Gabriel wearing a cheap costume and a mustache. He enters with his special delivery of Hungarian sausage. Gabriel starts making out with the girl, then he turns to look at the camera. He tells the boys if they're watching this, he's dead. Oh, and they have zero chance of killing Lucifer.

But, Gabriel adds, there is one thing: the cage they freed Lucifer from is still there, and if they play their cards right, they might be able to shove him back into it.

Not that it'll be easy, Gabriel says. First they have to get the cage open, then trick Lucifer back into it, and oh yes, avoid the angels. Details, details.

Then he drops a bit of knowledge on them not even Lucifer is aware of: "The key to the cage? It's out there! Actually, it's keys, plural. Four keys. Four rings. From the Horsemen. You get 'em all, you've got the cage."

"Can't say I'm betting on you boys," he adds, "but I've been wrong before."

Gabriel finishes by telling Dean he was right. He was afraid to stand up to his brother. "So this is me, standing up." Gabriel stands up, and the porn star eases up behind him. "And this is me...lying down!" Gabriel tosses away the mustache and starts kissing the giggling woman. Then it gets naughty, and Sam closes the computer.

Dean reminds Sam they already have War's ring, and Famine's. All they have to do is nick Death's and Pestilence's.

"Oh, is that all?" Sam says dourly.

Well, it's more than they had before. "It's a plan," Dean tells his brother. They get in the car and head off.

Elsewhere, a old, battered hatchback pulls up to a general store. Inside, the clerk is reading a story about a flu epidemic spreading, and a fly spirals in front of his face, landing on the paper. He moves to swat it, but is interrupted by a sickly looking man, who comes in and sneezes, spewing saliva all over the place. He runs his hands all over the products, leaving a trail of slime.

More flies swarm the clerk. The man picks up an orange box of flu medication, saying he has a lot of driving to do and asking if the meds will make him sleepy. The clerk says no. He walks up to the counter, coughing and sneezing, spraying the clerk with slime. As he walks out, he stops coughing, smiles to himself and tosses the box away. As he gets into his car, we get a shot of the Nevada license plate: SIKN * TRD.

The man grins, and as if we don't get it, the green jeweled ring on his finger identifies him as Pestilence. His car becomes thick and dark with flies, and Pestilence grins as he drives away.

Major Characters

 * Dean Winchester
 * Sam Winchester
 * Gabriel
 * Lucifer
 * Pestilence
 * Ed Zeddmore
 * Harry Spangler

Minor Characters

 * Mercury (Roman God)
 * Kali (Hindu Goddess)
 * Ganesh (Hindu God)
 * Baldur (Norse God)
 * Odin (Norse God)
 * Baron Samedi (Haitian God)
 * Zao Shen (Chinese God)
 * Isis (Egyptian Goddess)

Featured Supernatural Beings

 * Archangels
 * Deities
 * Horsemen (Pestilence)

Featured Music
"After - 1957" by The Bachelors

Trivia

 * Antagonists: The Pagan Gods, Lucifer.
 * Gabriel says to Kali that they should leave Earth and "check out Pandora", this might be a reference to James Cameron's movie Avatar, which is set on a planet called Pandora.
 * A.J. Buckley and Travis Wester are uncredited in this episode.
 * This episode marks the first appearance of Matt Frewer as Pestilence.
 * Although Gabriel is recognized as Loki by the pagan gods, it remains unknown whether he has always been in the guise of a pagan god that he created as a false persona, or if he had been impersonating an already existent Loki.
 * The title is a reference to Thor, who is mostly associated with a Hammer.
 * "Loki" is also a reference to mythology, being Thor's brother (technically).
 * At one point, Dean says the phrase: "Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up!". This is a quote from the third movie in the "Evil Dead Series", Army of Darkness.
 * Kali's line to Gabriel "If anyone gets to end this world, it's me", is a reference to her mythological counterpart who is the Goddess of Destruction. She was also responsible for annihilating demons by drinking their blood as the demons had power, to produce there couterparts with every drop of blood spilled, which would explain her presence in this episode.
 * At one point in the episode, Ganesh is shown turning into an elephant. His mythological counterpart had a head of an elephant. He is also known as the remover of obstacles, which would explain why he joined Kali during the meeting of Gods.
 * The name of the Hotel, "Elysian Fields", is a reference to the part of Greek's version of an afterlife or Underworld where the souls of heroes would rest.
 * To date, this episode has shown the most pagan gods, as well as death of gods in one episode.
 * The Casa Erotica series has been referenced in show before. In The Monster at the End of This Book, Dean tells Sam to watch some porn (specifically suggesting Casa Erotica on pay-per-view) as a way to pass the time instead of doing research.
 * It should be worth noting that Hammer of the Gods was not aired in India, most likely to avoid controversy over a Hindu goddess being sexually involved with another foreign god.

Quotes
Ganesh: [stands up, outraged] Gabriel (as Loki): "Not you—the Apocalypse."
 * Dean: [After discovering the motel isn't what it seems] "Motel Hell."
 * Gabriel (as Loki): "I'm here to talk about the elephant in the room."
 * Gabriel: [to Lucifer] "Lucy, I'm home!"
 * Gabriel: [to Lucifer, mocking him] "Daddy was mean to me so I'm gonna smash up all his toys!"
 * Gabriel: "Okay, okay, I've got wings...like Kotex."


 * Gabriel: "Lucifer, you're my brother, and I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks."
 * Lucifer: What did you just say to me?
 * Sam: What's a four star hotel doing on a no star highway?